Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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