He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
