Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
