Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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