I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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