Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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