He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
