help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
