I am puke
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
