Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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