ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
