Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
