Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize