I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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