I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
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You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
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His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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