Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
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Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
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I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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