i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
