My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
i think my cat just said my name.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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