I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My vagina just recognized that song.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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