She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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