He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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