At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
