I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
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I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
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There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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