so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
