a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
