How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
