my being single is dangerous.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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