just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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