im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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