Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
