i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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