i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
