I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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