took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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