i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
