Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
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Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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