Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
