hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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