Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Found the puke drawer
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
