I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Say something about gay babies.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
