I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
