just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
