Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
