Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize