he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You are a genius and a whore.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
