im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
