dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
