I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
