your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm both gender and math confused
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
