Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
