i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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