Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
