its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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