sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
