If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
