Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
