In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
