Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
