Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
