dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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