so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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